Sometimes these days are so hard. I am sitting here and thinking of all the things i am wondering about.
It seems like so many people around me are announcing pregnancies or are really sick with morning sickness, and I am content to not be pregnant, most of the time. But, my baby just turned 6 and the last years have been wrought with so many life lessons, I wonder how I have lived through it. Because of many personal reasons and physical things, we may never have more children. But while I am content with this, it hurts still.
I see my sister suffering through the loss of two baby girl’s through stillbirth this past month and her tiny little one in the hospital and I ask why about that as well. I wonder what are the reasons behind it or if there is a reason.
I see the pain of all the different people in the world who have lost babies in this last month, people who have struggled through hard times and wonder what i can learn from it and minister to others.
I sat at a wedding yesterday, where two homeschooled young people got married and I cried when they played pictures….which I hardly ever cry, but it just reminded me of the short time I have with my boys.
I watch other mothers who are so focused on other things and leave the care of their children to others, even others who love them so much, but they are without a mother’s true love and care as she leaves them. I wonder why!
So, I just want to think about it all and learn that in all of this, I can trust God. it may sound simplistic…..but that is part of being a Christian. Being simplistic, trust God to have and take control of our lives.
I read a book last week called “The Devil in pew 7” about how two men totally wrecked a young pastor’s family’s lives. It was full of murder, bombs, terror and through it all, a vein of forgiveness and restoration. Life was horrible, yet they refused to give up and loved in spite of it. I could not fathom how they did that. I wondered how someone could still be so broken mentally and physically and yet not give up? The true Love of God is all I can see from this that He gives us different levels of endurance.
Good post, Martha. I am sorry you are sad at your situation at times. I know for myself as well, it is hard to be content with where God has placed us at this time. It seems as though if we were in charge, we could do so much better. Resting in the perfect providence of God is never easy to do. You will be in my prayers, as well as continuing to be in my thoughts.