Sometimes these days are so hard. I am sitting here and thinking of all the things i am wondering about.
It seems like so many people around me are announcing pregnancies or are really sick with morning sickness, and I am content to not be pregnant, most of the time. But, my baby just turned 6 and the last years have been wrought with so many life lessons, I wonder how I have lived through it. Because of many personal reasons and physical things, we may never have more children. But while I am content with this, it hurts still.
I see my sister suffering through the loss of two baby girl’s through stillbirth this past month and her tiny little one in the hospital and I ask why about that as well. I wonder what are the reasons behind it or if there is a reason.
I see the pain of all the different people in the world who have lost babies in this last month, people who have struggled through hard times and wonder what i can learn from it and minister to others.
I sat at a wedding yesterday, where two homeschooled young people got married and I cried when they played pictures….which I hardly ever cry, but it just reminded me of the short time I have with my boys.
I watch other mothers who are so focused on other things and leave the care of their children to others, even others who love them so much, but they are without a mother’s true love and care as she leaves them. I wonder why!
So, I just want to think about it all and learn that in all of this, I can trust God. it may sound simplistic…..but that is part of being a Christian. Being simplistic, trust God to have and take control of our lives.
I read a book last week called “The Devil in pew 7” about how two men totally wrecked a young pastor’s family’s lives. It was full of murder, bombs, terror and through it all, a vein of forgiveness and restoration. Life was horrible, yet they refused to give up and loved in spite of it. I could not fathom how they did that. I wondered how someone could still be so broken mentally and physically and yet not give up? The true Love of God is all I can see from this that He gives us different levels of endurance.