Functional panic. I feel as though I have been stuck in this format of functioning, but at half speed since January. Cancel that, not half speed. I have been going full speed ahead since January.
It started with turmoil in my local circles, and I had to deal with formal proceedings to seek to find peace. Peace was not found, which caused more turmoil in my heart and surrounding friendships. I worked through it, and when that was just becoming somewhat resolved, the world decided it was ready to fall apart. The mass confusion and chaos again, hit me especially hard, when as someone in charge of communication, I took the brunt of the confusion.
I chose to focus on things as I could, to ground myself. Watering my plants in my yard was peaceful, while my cat scampered about, chewing on grass she stole from the rabbit. I began to take long walks, walking faster and faster, hoping to let something of this life fly off behind me. Social media had exposed an underbelly of corruption in people I loved and cared about, to the point that I struggled to see it.
I chose instead to look at the many positives I had in my life, not to ignore the hard parts that were going on, but to merely stay sane. I couldn’t argue with yet another person, something I did not know the answers to. How could I? Flowers, apples, cleaning, working seemed more like something I could do to stay busy and focused. Yet, I was not fine. No, I am in a functional panic most days. Will the work I am doing daily provide for me, my family and will I miss something?
I find myself drawn to the videos on YouTube of the a woman cooking over a fire without all the comforts of a kitchen.
They are peaceful and somehow draw me in, wanting to go back to what is imagined as a simpler way of life, where cows ask you for a snack. Yet, as I know, there is a need for community in our lives, and isolation is not the answer to that. I have tried that.
So, how can we change from this functional chaos and find peace in our daily lives?
I think to begin many people have many ideas. For some, they get rid of social media, stay home, limit contact with others and many other means of controlling what they cannot control. I have seen too many isolated, abused families to recommend that.
Instead, removing ourselves from the virtual world occasionally and connecting with others, even in silence. I think that is what drew me to those videos. The silence. Oh, there is noise of chickens cackling and the fire cracking as it burnt down to coals. Sounds that often we do not even hear in the busy days we are surrounded with. If we seek to cut down the noise, and listen, we may hear something that we would have missed.
The cry for help in the angry vitriol of a post on social media.
The need to be heard in their fear of losing family members.
The anguish of pain in the busy lifestyles of our culture.
I have heard of family members that are constantly relegating one another to a box of this or that. Others are not like us, so we don’t want them around. Instead, seeking to listen as I know we are all reacting in each our own way to the pain of the world.
Let’s seek to stop, listen and hear the heart of others.