“You should have done (insert whatever idiotic thing you can think of) and maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”
This is sort of an across the board thing. I have listened to women that are crying after they had a miscarriage, lost a child, their husband left them for someone else, and other bad things.
We don’t always know the right things to say. We may feel helpless and we want to fix it.
There are some really awful things to say, but one of the worst is putting the blame on the person that is hurting.
“If you would have not or just done such and such, this would not be happening to you.”
Bad things happen. There is sin in this life that effects humankind. Whether or not you believe that, is another matter. But sometimes wives can do everything they possibly can do to try to be the best wife possible and husband’s still leave. Husbands can work to be the most wonderful father and husband, and their wives still are drawn elsewhere.
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. I am not talking perfection here. But there are things that are more black and white.
In a marriage, it takes more than just one to make it work, one can do everything possibly to save their marriage, and if the other is not for it, you are hitting your head against a cement wall.
I think if we as Christians would stop trying to figure out whom is to blame for it, maybe instead our support of the hurting people would bring more marriages and families together.
Bad things happen. Bad people do bad things. Good people mess up. Happy people die. Innocent children suffer, are killed, harmed all the time.
Do we blame them for what someone did to them?
Do you know someone that is hurting today? Did you hear news of a marriage that is breaking up? Did someone lose a baby? Did someone you know get harmed in some way?
Think before you speak. Sometimes all you need to say is “I am sorry!”
Too many words can do damage!
If you went through a painful situation, what was something that really helped you?
What was something that really deeply wounded you?

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  1. Lauren

    I haven’t had actual major blows only minor ones that felt major at te time. I read somewhere about a friend comforting his friend after miscarriage. He said something along the lines of I don’t know why bad things happen but I do know that God loves you and he would never let something happen to you that didn’t better confirm you into the image of his Son.

  2. Amy

    This is such a great post. I read in a book once something about hindsight. It is easy to say … You should have done… or I should have done… when we know what the outcome was. But we do not KNOW what the outcome will be when we are making choices and things are happening. When comforting people I agree with Lauren, we should just let them know God loves them, and cares about whey they are going through. Regardless of why it happened.

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